Levels Of Unmasking
The degree of unmasking depends on the degree of safety and security I feel within a space or a connection with someone. It’s not something I “will myself to do” on command without feeling uncomfortable and threatened. Unmasking happens subconsciously and intuitively; I don’t think, I don’t plan, I just do.
I recognised this when reflecting on how I best connect with people, and through working with diverse kids at a special school. At the school, connection happens through collaborative, hands-on engagement with an activity, parallel play and learning through modelling. Building a connection goes beyond verbal conversational exchanges.
Genuine unmasking goes beyond accommodating my needs such as using earplugs to reduce noise stimulation, having movement breaks and asking for processing time.
It includes (not an exhaustive list):
Permission to exist with low social energy around people without having to “act social”.
Existing in silence with someone, enjoying presence.
Stimming - a lot of it.
With my dark sense of humour, making jokes as a way of showing affection or connecting.
Role playing and improv.
Playing around and releasing my inner child.
Not preparing social scripts in advance of a social meet since it’s safe to stream my river of conscious thoughts without filtering.
Raising a concern or issue immediately instead of “waiting until I can’t take it anymore”, or downplaying experiences.
Advocating for myself and doing what I need to without asking for permission.
Opening the door to my special interests.
Inviting people into my routine.
Moments of true unmasking leaves me in a state of awe at how powerful the experience is. When I spend time with certain people, it revitalises me and heals my core. Ten hours flies by in the blink of an eye. Authenticity spreads, safety is built and unmasking takes flight to a new level. You can't choose social acceptance from people; that's out of your hands. However, you can choose who you spend your energy on; choose wisely.