Romantic Relationships

Entering a romantic relationship after three years of being single, I've been anticipating an intense, overwhelming feeling to surge through me. Yet, it hasn't happened. My automatic thoughts were: Is there something wrong? Why is nothing threatening me? Is there something flawed about my response? The identified cause is past trauma with toxic connections being my ‘norm’, not objective concerns at present. I'm beginning to re-learn that a sense of calm and presence due to healthy communication and honouring myself in a relationship is not to be feared, but to be valued.

I've learnt valuable lessons about boundaries and what I want in a relationship with each dating experience, including unhealthy ones. During the dating period, I wasn't hesitant to ask difficult questions, discuss confronting topics, explore experiences, be honest with needs and identity, and unmask fully. There was no rush to label the connection or coercing an experience to fulfil a box. There’s no playing mind games or “following a formula”.

As a writer, the way our story unfolded is likened to a wholesome queer romance novel. An organic connection where we both nurture its life, experiencing the growth of it together. We’re evolving as individuals and a team. We’re present in authentic connection. This relationship is teaching my nervous system a new state of being; recalibrating it to welcome tranquility and authenticity as “normal”. I’m excited to experience the continually unfolding story of us.

Image credit: My partner.

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Another note: If you’re in the dating arena, be patient, stay authentic and try to see it as an experience. You may not be compatible with your next date, but that’s still a learning opportunity. Keep evolving, and one day, someone unexpected may enter your life. There’s always another opportunity.