Self-Respect In Dating

“Don’t match with me if you dislike the fact I’m trans and autistic”. Following this, a note about not matching with me if there is going to be no effort and communication to build a connection. I didn’t expect much, until the unthinkable happened. Connecting with someone who not only has healthy standards, but helps nurture my growth.

When I’ve only experienced toxic, unhealthy and/or unstable connections in dating, the calm and secure feels threatening. It seems too good to be true, with the anxious part of me waiting for “the downfall”. While I’ve not 100% healed and perfected dating (which I never will), I have learnt to never ignore my intuition or self-neglect. I present authenticity, not a curated image. For me, it serves to filter out people’s intentions and whether I want to welcome them into my life. And maybe it can do the same for you.

Self-neglect and self-disrespect are not core foundations of healthy relationships. Consistency, showing up, honesty, vulnerability, effective communication, understanding, patience, trust, teamwork, effort, amongst others, are. You should not need to disespect yourself to feel seen, heard and valued in a relationship. Nor should you hide the important parts of yourself and your identity. Hiding in the shadows around the date/partner(s), while shining bright around others. This is an exhausting way to exist.

I cannot foresee the future and unfolding events. However, what I know is that for the first time in my life, I feel excited about dating and being seen without self-neglect and masking. The experience of a healthy connection feels scary at times, but is recalibrating my nervous system; retraining it. My intuition and conscious mind are in sync, not at war. This in itself is a major character development point in the incomplete book that is my life.