Unlearning In Relationships

This is autistic utopia. A silent, joyful awe of authentic presence. No pressure to “fill the silence”. Differences in emotional expression (or lack thereof) does not need “fixing”. Stimming without restrictions - singing, dancing, playing, echolalia. I'm not treated as “childish”. Effectively regulating through honouring needs; boundaries respected without question. Adapting activities and conversations based on capacity and interest. Leaving spaces that aren't accessible. Sending streams of consciousness in long voice messages. Safety and trust in romantic relationships doesn't require convincing; it is intuitively known.

Moreover, shame and trauma is being met head-on with shared vulnerability. Unearthing unacknowledged parts of me is terrifying, however, empowering. There's a new factor: I don't need to do it alone. Hyper-independence transforming into relying on others confuses my brain. Knowledge about my own autism is being challenged. I'd believed my social energy was limited per day, only to spend 12 hours straight with my partner without burning out. Touch is not overstimulating with him. I value nonverbal, parallel play as much as deep conversations. I am destroying internalised ableism through every act of reclamation.

Being a trans man, I'm experiencing the epitome of healthy masculinity with another man. Naming feelings and emotions. Being honest with struggles. Having hard conversations with respect and tact. Both individuals being proactive with ‘doing the work' and healing. Taking responsibility for one's actions. Not portraying a mask of immunity that denies core human needs. My body and identity aren't objectified. I'm not treated as a test subject.

Being wholly seen and valued, regardless of your identities and life story. That's someone worth vetting for.